Post by akimoggie on Jul 15, 2010 1:42:06 GMT -5
Username: Akimoggie
Canons you own:
Link to RP thread: Canon drive!
Audition:
Moonlight stirs the latent madness in everything it touches, and Saix can feel it rippling across his skin in phantasmal waves. He stares at the cordiform moon until it burns its white glow into his vision, until his pupils shrink to impossibly small shards to escape it, and the gold around them spreads like ink in water until there's nothing to see but gold, gold, gold. He doesn't actually see it -- not when he's like this, basking in its radiance and letting consciousness drift in and out in a steady flow; he can only feel it, as tangible as a lover's touch and far more personal. It scorches and chills his skin and leaves it speckled with goosebumps, but that's only at the surface -- beneath the skin he can feel it breathe through flesh and bone and blood and nothing and it's a feeling, imaginary or not, that makes him think for just a moment he might really, truly exist.
It's only a taste of the power that is Kingdom Hearts. It's only a taste, but it's absolutely maddening, and he can hardly wait to drink it until he can no longer stand it--drink it 'til it tears him apart--and he doesn't know, he doesn't know if he could stand it, if the potency of it will obliterate him where he stands or if it will flood him with overwhelming emotion emotion emotion emotion. He can hardly remember--
He remembers when the moonlight fills him completely.
The days count backwards one by one, slow but steady like frames in a film reel, and in the white void of vision he watches the scenes play out in stilted, frozen photographs. Flashes of still life of the days gone by, marred by nothingness where he'd failed to notice some insignificant details and where his lost mind refuses to fill in the blanks, but he remembers -- he remembers everything. He remembers every given order, every single one that crossed his ears or left his mouth, the voices that stayed monotone with honesty or fluctuated in pitch and fervor in the senseless farce of faux emotion. Vexen's tense, consonant-heavy shrill, the cool and condescending insinuations of a certain Schemer, the frustrated pleas of a creation that never should have been created to begin with -- they all run together in an echoing stream of false humanity that never was and no longer would be. Oh, but how tenacious they were to cling to his memory like they did; the will to be remembered, to exist somewhere, is what kept them clinging so voraciously to existence in the first place, and regardless of how little he valued those memories, he would carry them into resurrection or oblivion -- whichever was racing faster towards him.
He would carry Lea with him.
Got it memorized?
There was one voice that made itself louder than all the rest. It's as jarring as it is paralyzing and with the hypnotic light of the moon keeping him so transfixed, there's nothing he can do to escape his memories now. So Saix remembers, unwillingly. He remembers clear as day the smile burned into the deepest facets of his memory, the smile that used to be as bright as the moon before him -- the smile that waned over the years, thinned and curved and mocking, until it no longer showed at all. He remembers exactly the way Lea's jaw curved. Exactly the way those stubby little eyebrows questioningly drew up, like the tail of a curious cat, whenever something caught his attention. Exactly how loose those shades of orange hung off Lea's gangly form until the orange turned to tight black that strangled those same wiry limbs, oh he remembers--
I do, he answers to no one, to nothing, and he can barely see the flicker of a smile beneath two purple spades. I do, you idiot. I do, I do, I do.
And just like that, he's gone.
The whiteness fades, and with it, the ghosts of an era long past. There is only one more being standing between him and Kingdom Hearts, and that being is barreling down the corridor towards his own demise right now. Saix can hear the footsteps before that party gets anywhere near, so for the moment he blocks them out, focusing on the afterimage of the moon like a sleeper trying hard to fall back into the same dream. But he can no longer hear Axel's voice -- can no longer hear Lea's voice, and if the bastard went and died for a friendship he could have never gotten back, it means nothing to Saix now.
If it ever will mean anything to Saix, if it ever meant anything to Saix, that's something he will have to figure out once he finds his pulse. But Roxas comes crashing in just then, and Saix's awareness sharpens, expands, pushes all contemplation aside; past smiles, past heartache, regrets and remorse and could-have-beens and what will be, none of it matters this very moment. What matters is the one last obstacle he'll have to conquer before all the memories of feeling become reality once again; it's an obstacle Axel himself placed in his path, and without a heart Saix can't be sure whether he should be spiteful or amused at that.
But without a heart, Saix can't be.
As he had been supplanted as Lea's number one, so has Lea been as Saix's; Kingdom Hearts is his motivation now, and he will cling to that 'til his dying breath. The moon has been there for him when Lea has not, and it's here for him now, steady at his back and so full of hope and promise, like Lea once was; he believes in it like he believed Lea, because he has nothing else to believe in.
Lea is gone.
Without feeling, without emotion, without remorse, this is Saix's last stand.
"Only you could have made it this far in one piece...Roxas."
And he will never get the chance to learn how much he's lost.
Canons you own:
Link to RP thread: Canon drive!
Audition:
Moonlight stirs the latent madness in everything it touches, and Saix can feel it rippling across his skin in phantasmal waves. He stares at the cordiform moon until it burns its white glow into his vision, until his pupils shrink to impossibly small shards to escape it, and the gold around them spreads like ink in water until there's nothing to see but gold, gold, gold. He doesn't actually see it -- not when he's like this, basking in its radiance and letting consciousness drift in and out in a steady flow; he can only feel it, as tangible as a lover's touch and far more personal. It scorches and chills his skin and leaves it speckled with goosebumps, but that's only at the surface -- beneath the skin he can feel it breathe through flesh and bone and blood and nothing and it's a feeling, imaginary or not, that makes him think for just a moment he might really, truly exist.
It's only a taste of the power that is Kingdom Hearts. It's only a taste, but it's absolutely maddening, and he can hardly wait to drink it until he can no longer stand it--drink it 'til it tears him apart--and he doesn't know, he doesn't know if he could stand it, if the potency of it will obliterate him where he stands or if it will flood him with overwhelming emotion emotion emotion emotion. He can hardly remember--
He remembers when the moonlight fills him completely.
The days count backwards one by one, slow but steady like frames in a film reel, and in the white void of vision he watches the scenes play out in stilted, frozen photographs. Flashes of still life of the days gone by, marred by nothingness where he'd failed to notice some insignificant details and where his lost mind refuses to fill in the blanks, but he remembers -- he remembers everything. He remembers every given order, every single one that crossed his ears or left his mouth, the voices that stayed monotone with honesty or fluctuated in pitch and fervor in the senseless farce of faux emotion. Vexen's tense, consonant-heavy shrill, the cool and condescending insinuations of a certain Schemer, the frustrated pleas of a creation that never should have been created to begin with -- they all run together in an echoing stream of false humanity that never was and no longer would be. Oh, but how tenacious they were to cling to his memory like they did; the will to be remembered, to exist somewhere, is what kept them clinging so voraciously to existence in the first place, and regardless of how little he valued those memories, he would carry them into resurrection or oblivion -- whichever was racing faster towards him.
He would carry Lea with him.
Got it memorized?
There was one voice that made itself louder than all the rest. It's as jarring as it is paralyzing and with the hypnotic light of the moon keeping him so transfixed, there's nothing he can do to escape his memories now. So Saix remembers, unwillingly. He remembers clear as day the smile burned into the deepest facets of his memory, the smile that used to be as bright as the moon before him -- the smile that waned over the years, thinned and curved and mocking, until it no longer showed at all. He remembers exactly the way Lea's jaw curved. Exactly the way those stubby little eyebrows questioningly drew up, like the tail of a curious cat, whenever something caught his attention. Exactly how loose those shades of orange hung off Lea's gangly form until the orange turned to tight black that strangled those same wiry limbs, oh he remembers--
I do, he answers to no one, to nothing, and he can barely see the flicker of a smile beneath two purple spades. I do, you idiot. I do, I do, I do.
And just like that, he's gone.
The whiteness fades, and with it, the ghosts of an era long past. There is only one more being standing between him and Kingdom Hearts, and that being is barreling down the corridor towards his own demise right now. Saix can hear the footsteps before that party gets anywhere near, so for the moment he blocks them out, focusing on the afterimage of the moon like a sleeper trying hard to fall back into the same dream. But he can no longer hear Axel's voice -- can no longer hear Lea's voice, and if the bastard went and died for a friendship he could have never gotten back, it means nothing to Saix now.
If it ever will mean anything to Saix, if it ever meant anything to Saix, that's something he will have to figure out once he finds his pulse. But Roxas comes crashing in just then, and Saix's awareness sharpens, expands, pushes all contemplation aside; past smiles, past heartache, regrets and remorse and could-have-beens and what will be, none of it matters this very moment. What matters is the one last obstacle he'll have to conquer before all the memories of feeling become reality once again; it's an obstacle Axel himself placed in his path, and without a heart Saix can't be sure whether he should be spiteful or amused at that.
But without a heart, Saix can't be.
As he had been supplanted as Lea's number one, so has Lea been as Saix's; Kingdom Hearts is his motivation now, and he will cling to that 'til his dying breath. The moon has been there for him when Lea has not, and it's here for him now, steady at his back and so full of hope and promise, like Lea once was; he believes in it like he believed Lea, because he has nothing else to believe in.
Lea is gone.
Without feeling, without emotion, without remorse, this is Saix's last stand.
"Only you could have made it this far in one piece...Roxas."
And he will never get the chance to learn how much he's lost.
