Post by Aerith on Sept 1, 2010 23:55:31 GMT -5
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Today marked the beginning of some dramatic changes in my life.
I had not thought the Heartless could grow any more voracious than they already were, but I was proven wrong. After discovering the corpse of a man who had recently been stripped of his heart, I chose to venture alone into the forests to find a possible source for the creatures' agitation. It was not long before I met that source. A silver-haired man clad entirely in black—whose name I later learned is Kadaj—was summoning Heartless and was apparently intent on the destruction of my world. I would have taken it upon myself to stop him, but I could sense great strength emanating from him. His arrogance alone made me wary enough not to jump too eagerly into an attack.
However, it turned out that I was not alone with Kadaj, for another man soon appeared from the cover of the trees. He, too, was not from my world, but he at least was willing to fight alongside me to defend my home. His name, he told me, was Raen. Unfortunately, Kadaj summoned several Heartless to engage us while he continued toward the Imperial City. With Raen's help, the creatures fell easily enough, but the delay worried me. I was desperate, afraid for the emperor's safety. And so, when Raen and I arrived at the city, I revealed to him to existence of the secret tunnel leading directly to the throne room. Though I knew sharing that knowledge was forbidden, I could only hope that the emperor would grant me his forgiveness.
We made it to the throne room, and I was relieved to find the emperor alone and unharmed. However, we were not alone for long. Kadaj easily broke past the guards and made it into the room. Raen and I fought with all our strength for a while, but between having to deal with Kadaj himself and the Heartless he summoned, we were outmatched. The decision to flee was cemented further when another person appeared in the room—a witch who also commanded the power of darkness. I knew we needed to run if we were to save our own lives, but my heart was torn when I remembered the emperor would still be in danger. There was no other choice left to us, so Raen and I fled through the tunnel.
When we began to notice that the Heartless were becoming docile and even vanishing altogether, we decided to return to the throne room. To our great surprise, there was a mouse wielding a giant key for a weapon who was single-handedly fighting Kadaj. The witch did not stay for long after we arrived again. Together with the mouse, Raen and I managed to convince Kadaj to leave as well. The mouse, who introduced himself as King Mickey, left just as suddenly as he had come. Even though the Heartless threat had been temporarily stopped, I still sought permission from the emperor to leave our world and accompany Raen to other worlds.
I hope I have made the right choice.
The phrase “going from bad to worse” took on special meaning for me over these past few days. Raen and I were riding through the stars one moment, and then the next, were waking up inside the mouth of an incredibly large whale. One small bit of luck was in our favor, and that was the fact that the Gummi Ship remained intact and ready for flight should the whale have ever opened its mouth. Overall, It was a less than pleasant experience, to say the least. Not only was the whale utterly disgusting, but its insides were like a giant maze. Pathways would be blocked or circle back around to chambers we have already visited.
We soon discovered that we were not alone in this whale (oddly enough). A man wearing a hooded black cloak was also wandering the whale's insides. He was rather strange and a little too casual in manner for my tastes. He told us his name was Demyx. Whenever he opened his mouth, it seemed that all he would do was complain, and his favorite topic to complain about was a person named Zexion. Raen seemed especially interested in finding out everything Demyx knew about Zexion. I, for one, am less than enthusiastic about meeting him after everything Demyx said (I believe “pompous jerk” was included in the descriptions).
After much wandering, Demyx and I finally stumbled upon the giant Heartless we had all been seeking. Raen was not far behind us, for he had gone his own way so that we could cover more ground (or digestive tract, as the case may be). The giant Heartless (Parasite Cage, I believe) fell without much of a struggle, which seemed odd to me. Something so large should have put up more of a fight. Regardless, Raen and I parted ways with Demyx (I am unsure of how he eventually escaped the whale), and we hurried back to the ship just in time to get sneezed out.
If I can avoid getting trapped inside a whale again for as long as I live, I will have lived a satisfactory life.
A short rest in a place called Traverse Town was exactly the right tonic to cure the effects left over from being inside that whale. Traverse Town also happens to be Raen's homeworld. Though, he did not seem too willing to stay and visit for very long. After we exited the Gummi Ship, Raen described the layout of the town to me, and then we finally made our way over to shop where Raen said we could acquire some clothes for free, since the shopkeeper owed him some favors.
The clothes shop wasa traumatic an interesting experience. The owner, Ms. Belamine, seemed to know Raen well (which, I suppose, should not be surprising considering that Raen was born here). But then, Raen left me alone with her to go arrange our accommodations for the day night time we would be staying here. While gathering clothes for me in a flurry of activity, Ms. Belamine managed to embarrass me on several levels, the most prominent of which was when she suggested that Raen and I were a couple. The thought had not even crossed my mind before. Why was she so quick to assume that?
Luckily, Raen returned and gave me an opportunity to retreat outside. I could only hope that Ms. Belamine was not inside planting the same relationship notions in Raen's head. Did the woman not understand that we had never even known each other until a week or so ago? Perhaps people on other worlds can form romantic relationships that quickly, but I am certainly not one of them. When Raen emerged with his own bag of clothes, we went to our rooms and parted ways. It was strange. For the first time in several days, I was alone. There were not even any Heartless around.
After finally getting cleaned up and putting on my new clothes (which I ended up loving), I slept, though my sleep was plagued with nightmares. Consciously, I know I have dealt with my past and forgiven my father. However, sometimes, the subconscious has a way of exposing the lies one tells oneself. To this day, I am afraid that I am not adequate. I have him to thank for that.
I finally talked with Raen, and he explained to me what this decision of his involves. There is an imbalance of light and darkness, with the light being much more dominant right now. Apparently, this is a bad situation, though I do not see what can be so terrible about the darkness growing weaker. He also told me about Zexion and why he is so important to him. I now know about the Nobodies, something which I had never encountered before. Heartless were enough to begin with, but now it seems I will also have to be on the lookout for these Nobodies. Finally, Raen told me that he had yet to make a decision on whether he would side with the light or the darkness.
Why do I feel as though he is not telling me the truth?
This marked the first time I have ever flown a Gummi Ship. Raen insisted that I learn, and he was obviously unconcerned that I might very well fly us right into that whale again. However, I did not, and we landed safely on a new world called Olympus. This world has a famous coliseum where tournaments are held to test the strength of warriors from various worlds. We learned very soon that no games were being held at that moment. But we did discover something—or someone, rather—of interest.
I first saw Zack doing what appeared to be squats in the area right outside the doors to the coliseum proper. He was very friendly toward me. Very friendly. Raen and I talked with him for a little while, and we discovered that he does not seem to know about anything going on outside of Olympus. He does not even know about the Heartless, much less this cosmic imbalance problem. He kept saying that he was training to become a hero, whatever that means. I am not sure how one trains to become a hero. I have certainly never thought of myself as one. Zack also mentioned someone named “Phil” who had told him he needed to travel to other worlds in order to become a hero.
Raen invited him to come along with us, and Zack jumped at the chance to travel. He was so grateful that he immediately began to think of ways to repay us. But instead of offering Raen something, he turned to me and told me he would take me out on something called a date. After he explained to me what it was, I was hesitant about agreeing. I have never been one for forming “romantic” relationships. In my experience, men are only interested in me because of the standing I have with the emperor. Attempts to woo me are all just plays for power and influence. I doubt Zack is like that, of course, considering he seems very unaware of the current goings-on. But if he thinks I am the type of woman to swoon straight into his arms because of a few words of flattery and a winning smile, he has much to learn.
I usually consider myself a patient and understanding person, but I may not last too long at this rate. When Zack was not asking about the ship and where we were going and how everything works (which I cannot begin to describe with any confidence of accuracy), he was blatantly flirting with me, persisting in asking me to clarify when we could go on our date. Apparently, his brain only thinks about two things: becoming a hero and charming women. This is going to be a long journey...
We arrived at a new world consisting of a vast ocean dotted with small islands of mostly rock. A few of the larger islands, including the one we landed on, had some trees and tufts of grass here and there, but for the most part, the world is blue and gray. However, there was a rather colorful pirate ship in the distance. Heartless attacked us, but they were less than a challenge. It is such a strange thing, seeing the Heartless so weak. Why could they not have been like this the night they attacked my home?
We were soon joined by a fourth person, who was more than the woman he appeared to be (though, that did not stop Zack from immediately gravitating toward her). After the curious disguise was dropped, I was finally face-to-face with this Zexion I kept hearing about. Not only is he some sort of illusionist (something I will have to be extremely wary of) but he also enjoys talking quite a bit.
(**Note: It turned out that he is also a formidable fighter, which I found out the hard way when I started a fight with him. He managed to beat all three of us to within an inch of our lives without looking like he broke much of a sweat. Perhaps Nobodies do not bleed or sweat. The next time I see him, I will ensure that I am the stronger one.)
It was in the middle of all this talking that I learned of Raen's choice. He is going to fight for the darkness.
I cannot even begin to describe how I feel.
I can describe exactly how I feel, but I do not think I have the heart to write it down.
I am afraid. For him and myself and Zack. He says he will not allow the darkness to master him, but what if he is wrong? If he is suddenly no longer himself, would he attempt to fight us? More importantly, if it came to that...could I...? No. No, I do not want to think about that. I will not think about that, because there is no need to. I have to believe him when he says everything will be fine.Even though, he has already lied to me once.
Raen should never, ever, ever let Zack fly the Gummi Ship again. That flight may have been among the most traumatic experiences of my life. Thank goodness for those seatbelts... Otherwise, I might very well have ended up tangled in a cornerwith a broken neck.
We landed on a very lush world which was fairly steamy with humidity. There did not seem to be any centers of civilization, only plants and wildlife. I took it upon myself to explore the jungle on my own. I needed time to gather my thoughts. However, I met a rather aggressive spotted cat, but he was easily dealt with. A dip in the water chased him away. Afterward, I made the strangely spontaneous decision to go for a swim in the river. And..well...one does not go swimming fully dressed, so...so I stripped down to my underwear, thinking that Raen and Zack would not be following after me any time soon.
Hindsight has made me realize that this may not have been the best decision.
I should probably not have done that.
It was stupid of me, yes. I have never been so thoroughly embarrassed in my entire life. Not only did Raen and Zack both see me in the river, but Raen also made a comment or two that increased my shame. At least, he allowed me to punch him in the stomach. That felt very good. Amazingly enough, Zack kept his mouth shut. This was...surprising. Of the two, I expected Zack to be the one making comments.
Normally, I am quite composed, but this feeling affected me to the point where I lost all my usual coordination. I attempted to cover it up as best I could, but storming through the jungle turned out not to be such a good idea, either. Right after the skies opened up in a monsoon, I fell into a hole. Here, I managed to take some time to regain my composure, and by the time Raen and Zack pulled me out, I was somewhat back to normal. After we confirmed the fact that we are a team, we made our way back to the ship.
This world did not treat me very well at all, and I am loathe to return to it any time soon.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +2
Raen: -1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -268
King Mickey: +1
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
The flight this time was infinitely better thanks to the fact that Raen did the flying. We landed on a world much different from the ones we had visited thus far. While it was certainly rather dark and gloomy, I could not help but wonder at the magnificent architecture. It was a huge contrast to the architecture on my own world, and yet it was so strangely beautiful. The hope that we could enjoy the sights of this new world in peace, however, was in vain.
Shortly after arriving, we made our way to the front doors of the castle. Nothing seemed to be living here, which struck me as odd, but I was given no time to ponder on that fact. Raen rushed inside, leaving Zack and me to follow in confusion. By the time we were inside the entrance hall, Raen was already disappearing through another set of doors straight ahead. And then Heartless attacked. They were nothing, though, and soon I was able to make it to the other set of doors. But they were locked, and once I heard a second voice on the other side of the doors, I knew why.
It was that witch from my homeworld. And Raen was alone with her.
I cannot fully explain the sheer amount of panic that overtook me then. I am careful about letting emotions affect my ability to reason, but this proved to be too much. I could not suppress the fear that the witch would turn Raen into another pawn like Kadaj. At least, if Raen is somehow destined to succumb to the darkness, I do not want that witch having a hand in it. Not even a fingernail. You might call it a twisted form of jealousy.
Something unforeseen happened then. One of those cloaked people showed himself and offered to help us reach the other side of the doors. He opened a dark portal and told us this would lead into the room. Despite my better judgment, the panic in me was too strong, and I entered the darkness. Thankfully, the trip was short, and I indeed found myself in the large, elaborate ballroom with the cloaked man, the witch, and Raen.
Things were worse than I had thought. I could not tell if Raen was in control of himself or not, though he did shout at me to get out right before attacking both the cloaked man and the witch. However, the witch attempted a bit of a bait-and-switch when she unlocked the doors to let in Zack. But the cloaked man prevented the ice attack from reaching either himself or Zack. Shortly thereafter, he and the witch both moved their little "discussion" to the second tier of the ballroom, leaving me, Zack, and Raen together on the first floor.
Once again, I cannot explain my reasoning behind what I decided to do next. Though I did not want to hurt Raen, I knew I needed to do something to get him back, and mere talk was not going to do that. So, after telling Zack to stand down, I challenged Raen to a fight. I knew he had the advantage in abilitiesand size, but what else was I supposed to do? Stand there and watch him sink deeper into darkness?
By some miracle, he came back, but not before tearing into me with that ice of his. I do not like to show weakness, so of course, I tried to dismiss my own wounds as best I could. Instead, I saw to his. Perhaps that was foolish of me, but I was trained to respect my allies. No. No, that is not the only reason. That is a surface reason. He is a friend, a very good one. And I do not like watching friends suffer.
The witch left, and the cloaked man turned his attention to us. But we all ignored his entreaties to join him in his quest for vengeance. Apparently, I was losing more blood than I had thought I was. Zack had to help me stand and then walk out of the ballroom. He can be quite the gentleman sometimes. I do not plan on telling him that to his face.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +4
Raen: +2
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
I cannot be Raen's babysitter. I cannot be Raen's babysitter. I cannot be Raen's babysitter.
Despite the fact that we ended up on a fairly tranquil world, we did not get to relax too much. Zack and I encountered a rather... strange woman who called herself Lulu. This woman was not the picture of mental health by any stretch of the imagination, though I tried to befriend her as best I could. Although, I did not take pleasure in being stuffed into a sack and getting dragged around the entire island, it seemed.
This woman... she could communicate with the dead. She talked to the spirit of my father. The message she relayed was expected, of course, but it still stung. Just a little. I know my father is disappointed in me, but he's dead now. There is nothing I can do to change his opinion, even if he carries it with him into the afterlife.
When Zack and I finally escaped from Lulu, we happened upon Raen conversing with that man, the Champion of Darkness himself, on the beach. There was no fighting. They were simply talking. I thought it strange, and was immediately put on edge when I heard this Champion suggest that Raen leave Zack and me. Of course, Raen refused to do this, and we all went back to the inn, leaving the Champion on the beach.
Something bothers me greatly about that exchange. Why would Raen even talk to that man for any length of time? Hadn't Zexion warned us about him?
I cannot be Raen's babysitter.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +5
Raen: +3
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
The Champion: -150
What a desolate place the Keyblade Graveyard is. I suppose it was fitting that I finally realized here what potential the Champion was referring to.
I will forever be wary now of seemingly lifeless suits of armor. I was attacked by one that also possessed the ability to mimic my appearance. It was a little unnerving, but the bigger issue was my inability to do anything to damage this armor. Raen showed up to help but quickly backed off, leaving me in much the same position I had been.
When I started hearing voices in my head, I was suddenly gifted with the strangest weapon I have ever seen. A Keyblade. But it was nothing like King Mickey's Keyblade. It was, and is, magnificent. What this means for me, I am not very sure. But getting this new weapon sealed my victory over the armor. It eventually gave up and returned to its repose.
Wasting no time, I grabbed Zack and Raen so we could get off this empty world. That voice I heard wants me to return home. Perhaps it holds some answers for me.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +3
Raen: +1
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
At last, I was able to return home. After the events at the Keyblade Graveyard, I needed some time to think. Unfortunately, relaxation was short. The Emperor summoned me to him and told me of a dragon spirit hidden somewhere in the world. He was sparse on the details, claiming that most of the knowledge associated with this guardian force had been lost throughout the years. But he practically ordered me to seek it out, so I brought Raen and Zack with me.
The Keyblade helped me find what I sought. It led me straight into the dragon's cave, a place deep in the mountains I had never seen before. This spirit was, indeed, the voice that had been beckoning me home. But before I could house its power, I was required to undergo a series of tests to eradicate the imbalance the dragon sensed within me.
The first one... I expected. My father has long been a constant presence in the back of my mind, but I had managed to keep him mostly silent. And in that moment, I silenced him for good. No longer will his opinion matter to me. He is dead, and he will remain that way.
Zexion was my second test, and it became considerably more difficult to restrain my anger. Something about that face sets me on edge, even when I only think about it. The words he said to me... I will not believe them. I won't lose Raen to the darkness. If I did, I would be breaking my promise to him. And he would be breaking his promise to me. A few calm words were enough to banish the vision of the Nobody. But I wasn't completely prepared for what came next.
It was him. Consumed by darkness. I should have known, should have seen.
The real Raen tried to interfere but was quickly rebuffed, leaving me alone with my fear. I did what instinct told me to do: I fought against it. I will not let it happen. I refuse. But it was futile. No matter what I did, the shade countered it. He kept saying that I had to accept him, and my composure finally cracked. Just for a moment, I was completely honest about what I was feeling.
Apparently, that was enough to pass the trial.
I was not allowed much time to gather myself before the dragon commanded me to unseal him. He was not quite as large and magnificent as I had pictured, but he was still quite stunning. And now, when I am very still and quiet, I can hear something resonating with my own spirit. It will take some time to get used to it.
We stayed the night at my home before departing in the morning. I have not said much to either Raen or Zack. I cannot seem to find the words. With everything that has happened to me, I am beginning to feel as though I don't belong with them. Odd, since the Champion told Raen that he was the one who doesn't belong with me and Zack. I do not know what to make of this feeling.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +4
Raen: +4
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -152
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
There is not much to say in this entry. We returned to the Coliseum, much to Zack's delight. Raen and Zack participated in the Games while I decided to watch from the stands. It was nice not to be doing the fighting for once, but I couldn't help but feel a little alienated from those two.
After they fought several Heartless, including a rather large one I had never seen before, some other creature appeared. I heard Zack call it the Ice Titan, and it was huge. It cleared the stands, but I stayed to watch, ready to help if necessary. My help was not needed.
Once the titan went down, someone named Hades showed up and ran through the same routine that the witch did. I could tell he wanted to use Raen for some scheme or another, and I was not going to let that happen. Although, I managed to get Raen toward the exit, Zack was trapped in the arena and had to fight off Hades. He did it. All alone, too. I have to admit that I was very proud of him, especially when he said he didn't think he was a true hero even after fending off a god.
Lanying's Current, Official,and Scientifically-Based Affection Levels
Zack: +6
Raen: +5
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -152
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
Phil: -2
Hades: -107
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Prelude: Profile
First Movement (Agitato): To Dance With Dragons
Today marked the beginning of some dramatic changes in my life.
I had not thought the Heartless could grow any more voracious than they already were, but I was proven wrong. After discovering the corpse of a man who had recently been stripped of his heart, I chose to venture alone into the forests to find a possible source for the creatures' agitation. It was not long before I met that source. A silver-haired man clad entirely in black—whose name I later learned is Kadaj—was summoning Heartless and was apparently intent on the destruction of my world. I would have taken it upon myself to stop him, but I could sense great strength emanating from him. His arrogance alone made me wary enough not to jump too eagerly into an attack.
However, it turned out that I was not alone with Kadaj, for another man soon appeared from the cover of the trees. He, too, was not from my world, but he at least was willing to fight alongside me to defend my home. His name, he told me, was Raen. Unfortunately, Kadaj summoned several Heartless to engage us while he continued toward the Imperial City. With Raen's help, the creatures fell easily enough, but the delay worried me. I was desperate, afraid for the emperor's safety. And so, when Raen and I arrived at the city, I revealed to him to existence of the secret tunnel leading directly to the throne room. Though I knew sharing that knowledge was forbidden, I could only hope that the emperor would grant me his forgiveness.
We made it to the throne room, and I was relieved to find the emperor alone and unharmed. However, we were not alone for long. Kadaj easily broke past the guards and made it into the room. Raen and I fought with all our strength for a while, but between having to deal with Kadaj himself and the Heartless he summoned, we were outmatched. The decision to flee was cemented further when another person appeared in the room—a witch who also commanded the power of darkness. I knew we needed to run if we were to save our own lives, but my heart was torn when I remembered the emperor would still be in danger. There was no other choice left to us, so Raen and I fled through the tunnel.
When we began to notice that the Heartless were becoming docile and even vanishing altogether, we decided to return to the throne room. To our great surprise, there was a mouse wielding a giant key for a weapon who was single-handedly fighting Kadaj. The witch did not stay for long after we arrived again. Together with the mouse, Raen and I managed to convince Kadaj to leave as well. The mouse, who introduced himself as King Mickey, left just as suddenly as he had come. Even though the Heartless threat had been temporarily stopped, I still sought permission from the emperor to leave our world and accompany Raen to other worlds.
I hope I have made the right choice.
Second Movement (Largamente): Just Our Luck
The phrase “going from bad to worse” took on special meaning for me over these past few days. Raen and I were riding through the stars one moment, and then the next, were waking up inside the mouth of an incredibly large whale. One small bit of luck was in our favor, and that was the fact that the Gummi Ship remained intact and ready for flight should the whale have ever opened its mouth. Overall, It was a less than pleasant experience, to say the least. Not only was the whale utterly disgusting, but its insides were like a giant maze. Pathways would be blocked or circle back around to chambers we have already visited.
We soon discovered that we were not alone in this whale (oddly enough). A man wearing a hooded black cloak was also wandering the whale's insides. He was rather strange and a little too casual in manner for my tastes. He told us his name was Demyx. Whenever he opened his mouth, it seemed that all he would do was complain, and his favorite topic to complain about was a person named Zexion. Raen seemed especially interested in finding out everything Demyx knew about Zexion. I, for one, am less than enthusiastic about meeting him after everything Demyx said (I believe “pompous jerk” was included in the descriptions).
After much wandering, Demyx and I finally stumbled upon the giant Heartless we had all been seeking. Raen was not far behind us, for he had gone his own way so that we could cover more ground (or digestive tract, as the case may be). The giant Heartless (Parasite Cage, I believe) fell without much of a struggle, which seemed odd to me. Something so large should have put up more of a fight. Regardless, Raen and I parted ways with Demyx (I am unsure of how he eventually escaped the whale), and we hurried back to the ship just in time to get sneezed out.
If I can avoid getting trapped inside a whale again for as long as I live, I will have lived a satisfactory life.
Third Movement (Andante): A Moment's Reprieve
A short rest in a place called Traverse Town was exactly the right tonic to cure the effects left over from being inside that whale. Traverse Town also happens to be Raen's homeworld. Though, he did not seem too willing to stay and visit for very long. After we exited the Gummi Ship, Raen described the layout of the town to me, and then we finally made our way over to shop where Raen said we could acquire some clothes for free, since the shopkeeper owed him some favors.
The clothes shop was
Luckily, Raen returned and gave me an opportunity to retreat outside. I could only hope that Ms. Belamine was not inside planting the same relationship notions in Raen's head. Did the woman not understand that we had never even known each other until a week or so ago? Perhaps people on other worlds can form romantic relationships that quickly, but I am certainly not one of them. When Raen emerged with his own bag of clothes, we went to our rooms and parted ways. It was strange. For the first time in several days, I was alone. There were not even any Heartless around.
After finally getting cleaned up and putting on my new clothes (which I ended up loving), I slept, though my sleep was plagued with nightmares. Consciously, I know I have dealt with my past and forgiven my father. However, sometimes, the subconscious has a way of exposing the lies one tells oneself. To this day, I am afraid that I am not adequate. I have him to thank for that.
I finally talked with Raen, and he explained to me what this decision of his involves. There is an imbalance of light and darkness, with the light being much more dominant right now. Apparently, this is a bad situation, though I do not see what can be so terrible about the darkness growing weaker. He also told me about Zexion and why he is so important to him. I now know about the Nobodies, something which I had never encountered before. Heartless were enough to begin with, but now it seems I will also have to be on the lookout for these Nobodies. Finally, Raen told me that he had yet to make a decision on whether he would side with the light or the darkness.
Why do I feel as though he is not telling me the truth?
Fourth Movement (Amabile): The Third Wheel
This marked the first time I have ever flown a Gummi Ship. Raen insisted that I learn, and he was obviously unconcerned that I might very well fly us right into that whale again. However, I did not, and we landed safely on a new world called Olympus. This world has a famous coliseum where tournaments are held to test the strength of warriors from various worlds. We learned very soon that no games were being held at that moment. But we did discover something—or someone, rather—of interest.
I first saw Zack doing what appeared to be squats in the area right outside the doors to the coliseum proper. He was very friendly toward me. Very friendly. Raen and I talked with him for a little while, and we discovered that he does not seem to know about anything going on outside of Olympus. He does not even know about the Heartless, much less this cosmic imbalance problem. He kept saying that he was training to become a hero, whatever that means. I am not sure how one trains to become a hero. I have certainly never thought of myself as one. Zack also mentioned someone named “Phil” who had told him he needed to travel to other worlds in order to become a hero.
Raen invited him to come along with us, and Zack jumped at the chance to travel. He was so grateful that he immediately began to think of ways to repay us. But instead of offering Raen something, he turned to me and told me he would take me out on something called a date. After he explained to me what it was, I was hesitant about agreeing. I have never been one for forming “romantic” relationships. In my experience, men are only interested in me because of the standing I have with the emperor. Attempts to woo me are all just plays for power and influence. I doubt Zack is like that, of course, considering he seems very unaware of the current goings-on. But if he thinks I am the type of woman to swoon straight into his arms because of a few words of flattery and a winning smile, he has much to learn.
Fifth Movement (Bellicoso): Ambivalence
I usually consider myself a patient and understanding person, but I may not last too long at this rate. When Zack was not asking about the ship and where we were going and how everything works (which I cannot begin to describe with any confidence of accuracy), he was blatantly flirting with me, persisting in asking me to clarify when we could go on our date. Apparently, his brain only thinks about two things: becoming a hero and charming women. This is going to be a long journey...
We arrived at a new world consisting of a vast ocean dotted with small islands of mostly rock. A few of the larger islands, including the one we landed on, had some trees and tufts of grass here and there, but for the most part, the world is blue and gray. However, there was a rather colorful pirate ship in the distance. Heartless attacked us, but they were less than a challenge. It is such a strange thing, seeing the Heartless so weak. Why could they not have been like this the night they attacked my home?
We were soon joined by a fourth person, who was more than the woman he appeared to be (though, that did not stop Zack from immediately gravitating toward her). After the curious disguise was dropped, I was finally face-to-face with this Zexion I kept hearing about. Not only is he some sort of illusionist (something I will have to be extremely wary of) but he also enjoys talking quite a bit.
(**Note: It turned out that he is also a formidable fighter, which I found out the hard way when I started a fight with him. He managed to beat all three of us to within an inch of our lives without looking like he broke much of a sweat. Perhaps Nobodies do not bleed or sweat. The next time I see him, I will ensure that I am the stronger one.)
It was in the middle of all this talking that I learned of Raen's choice. He is going to fight for the darkness.
I am afraid. For him and myself and Zack. He says he will not allow the darkness to master him, but what if he is wrong? If he is suddenly no longer himself, would he attempt to fight us? More importantly, if it came to that...could I...? No. No, I do not want to think about that. I will not think about that, because there is no need to. I have to believe him when he says everything will be fine.
Sixth Movement (Ritenuto): Welcome to the Jungle
Raen should never, ever, ever let Zack fly the Gummi Ship again. That flight may have been among the most traumatic experiences of my life. Thank goodness for those seatbelts... Otherwise, I might very well have ended up tangled in a corner
We landed on a very lush world which was fairly steamy with humidity. There did not seem to be any centers of civilization, only plants and wildlife. I took it upon myself to explore the jungle on my own. I needed time to gather my thoughts. However, I met a rather aggressive spotted cat, but he was easily dealt with. A dip in the water chased him away. Afterward, I made the strangely spontaneous decision to go for a swim in the river. And..well...one does not go swimming fully dressed, so...so I stripped down to my underwear, thinking that Raen and Zack would not be following after me any time soon.
It was stupid of me, yes. I have never been so thoroughly embarrassed in my entire life. Not only did Raen and Zack both see me in the river, but Raen also made a comment or two that increased my shame. At least, he allowed me to punch him in the stomach. That felt very good. Amazingly enough, Zack kept his mouth shut. This was...surprising. Of the two, I expected Zack to be the one making comments.
Normally, I am quite composed, but this feeling affected me to the point where I lost all my usual coordination. I attempted to cover it up as best I could, but storming through the jungle turned out not to be such a good idea, either. Right after the skies opened up in a monsoon, I fell into a hole. Here, I managed to take some time to regain my composure, and by the time Raen and Zack pulled me out, I was somewhat back to normal. After we confirmed the fact that we are a team, we made our way back to the ship.
This world did not treat me very well at all, and I am loathe to return to it any time soon.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +2
Raen: -1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -268
King Mickey: +1
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
Seventh Movement (Con Brio): Every Rose Has Its Thorns
The flight this time was infinitely better thanks to the fact that Raen did the flying. We landed on a world much different from the ones we had visited thus far. While it was certainly rather dark and gloomy, I could not help but wonder at the magnificent architecture. It was a huge contrast to the architecture on my own world, and yet it was so strangely beautiful. The hope that we could enjoy the sights of this new world in peace, however, was in vain.
Shortly after arriving, we made our way to the front doors of the castle. Nothing seemed to be living here, which struck me as odd, but I was given no time to ponder on that fact. Raen rushed inside, leaving Zack and me to follow in confusion. By the time we were inside the entrance hall, Raen was already disappearing through another set of doors straight ahead. And then Heartless attacked. They were nothing, though, and soon I was able to make it to the other set of doors. But they were locked, and once I heard a second voice on the other side of the doors, I knew why.
It was that witch from my homeworld. And Raen was alone with her.
I cannot fully explain the sheer amount of panic that overtook me then. I am careful about letting emotions affect my ability to reason, but this proved to be too much. I could not suppress the fear that the witch would turn Raen into another pawn like Kadaj. At least, if Raen is somehow destined to succumb to the darkness, I do not want that witch having a hand in it. Not even a fingernail. You might call it a twisted form of jealousy.
Something unforeseen happened then. One of those cloaked people showed himself and offered to help us reach the other side of the doors. He opened a dark portal and told us this would lead into the room. Despite my better judgment, the panic in me was too strong, and I entered the darkness. Thankfully, the trip was short, and I indeed found myself in the large, elaborate ballroom with the cloaked man, the witch, and Raen.
Things were worse than I had thought. I could not tell if Raen was in control of himself or not, though he did shout at me to get out right before attacking both the cloaked man and the witch. However, the witch attempted a bit of a bait-and-switch when she unlocked the doors to let in Zack. But the cloaked man prevented the ice attack from reaching either himself or Zack. Shortly thereafter, he and the witch both moved their little "discussion" to the second tier of the ballroom, leaving me, Zack, and Raen together on the first floor.
Once again, I cannot explain my reasoning behind what I decided to do next. Though I did not want to hurt Raen, I knew I needed to do something to get him back, and mere talk was not going to do that. So, after telling Zack to stand down, I challenged Raen to a fight. I knew he had the advantage in abilities
By some miracle, he came back, but not before tearing into me with that ice of his. I do not like to show weakness, so of course, I tried to dismiss my own wounds as best I could. Instead, I saw to his. Perhaps that was foolish of me, but I was trained to respect my allies. No. No, that is not the only reason. That is a surface reason. He is a friend, a very good one. And I do not like watching friends suffer.
The witch left, and the cloaked man turned his attention to us. But we all ignored his entreaties to join him in his quest for vengeance. Apparently, I was losing more blood than I had thought I was. Zack had to help me stand and then walk out of the ballroom. He can be quite the gentleman sometimes. I do not plan on telling him that to his face.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +4
Raen: +2
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
Eighth Movement (Adagio): A Relaxing Vacation
I cannot be Raen's babysitter. I cannot be Raen's babysitter. I cannot be Raen's babysitter.
Despite the fact that we ended up on a fairly tranquil world, we did not get to relax too much. Zack and I encountered a rather... strange woman who called herself Lulu. This woman was not the picture of mental health by any stretch of the imagination, though I tried to befriend her as best I could. Although, I did not take pleasure in being stuffed into a sack and getting dragged around the entire island, it seemed.
This woman... she could communicate with the dead. She talked to the spirit of my father. The message she relayed was expected, of course, but it still stung. Just a little. I know my father is disappointed in me, but he's dead now. There is nothing I can do to change his opinion, even if he carries it with him into the afterlife.
When Zack and I finally escaped from Lulu, we happened upon Raen conversing with that man, the Champion of Darkness himself, on the beach. There was no fighting. They were simply talking. I thought it strange, and was immediately put on edge when I heard this Champion suggest that Raen leave Zack and me. Of course, Raen refused to do this, and we all went back to the inn, leaving the Champion on the beach.
Something bothers me greatly about that exchange. Why would Raen even talk to that man for any length of time? Hadn't Zexion warned us about him?
I cannot be Raen's babysitter.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +5
Raen: +3
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
The Champion: -150
Ninth Movement (Brillante): Apparitions of Melody
What a desolate place the Keyblade Graveyard is. I suppose it was fitting that I finally realized here what potential the Champion was referring to.
I will forever be wary now of seemingly lifeless suits of armor. I was attacked by one that also possessed the ability to mimic my appearance. It was a little unnerving, but the bigger issue was my inability to do anything to damage this armor. Raen showed up to help but quickly backed off, leaving me in much the same position I had been.
When I started hearing voices in my head, I was suddenly gifted with the strangest weapon I have ever seen. A Keyblade. But it was nothing like King Mickey's Keyblade. It was, and is, magnificent. What this means for me, I am not very sure. But getting this new weapon sealed my victory over the armor. It eventually gave up and returned to its repose.
Wasting no time, I grabbed Zack and Raen so we could get off this empty world. That voice I heard wants me to return home. Perhaps it holds some answers for me.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +3
Raen: +1
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -476
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
Tenth Movement (Colossale): Aqueous Transgression
At last, I was able to return home. After the events at the Keyblade Graveyard, I needed some time to think. Unfortunately, relaxation was short. The Emperor summoned me to him and told me of a dragon spirit hidden somewhere in the world. He was sparse on the details, claiming that most of the knowledge associated with this guardian force had been lost throughout the years. But he practically ordered me to seek it out, so I brought Raen and Zack with me.
The Keyblade helped me find what I sought. It led me straight into the dragon's cave, a place deep in the mountains I had never seen before. This spirit was, indeed, the voice that had been beckoning me home. But before I could house its power, I was required to undergo a series of tests to eradicate the imbalance the dragon sensed within me.
The first one... I expected. My father has long been a constant presence in the back of my mind, but I had managed to keep him mostly silent. And in that moment, I silenced him for good. No longer will his opinion matter to me. He is dead, and he will remain that way.
Zexion was my second test, and it became considerably more difficult to restrain my anger. Something about that face sets me on edge, even when I only think about it. The words he said to me... I will not believe them. I won't lose Raen to the darkness. If I did, I would be breaking my promise to him. And he would be breaking his promise to me. A few calm words were enough to banish the vision of the Nobody. But I wasn't completely prepared for what came next.
It was him. Consumed by darkness. I should have known, should have seen.
The real Raen tried to interfere but was quickly rebuffed, leaving me alone with my fear. I did what instinct told me to do: I fought against it. I will not let it happen. I refuse. But it was futile. No matter what I did, the shade countered it. He kept saying that I had to accept him, and my composure finally cracked. Just for a moment, I was completely honest about what I was feeling.
Apparently, that was enough to pass the trial.
I was not allowed much time to gather myself before the dragon commanded me to unseal him. He was not quite as large and magnificent as I had pictured, but he was still quite stunning. And now, when I am very still and quiet, I can hear something resonating with my own spirit. It will take some time to get used to it.
We stayed the night at my home before departing in the morning. I have not said much to either Raen or Zack. I cannot seem to find the words. With everything that has happened to me, I am beginning to feel as though I don't belong with them. Odd, since the Champion told Raen that he was the one who doesn't belong with me and Zack. I do not know what to make of this feeling.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +4
Raen: +4
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -152
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
Eleventh Movement (Eroico): For Glory!
There is not much to say in this entry. We returned to the Coliseum, much to Zack's delight. Raen and Zack participated in the Games while I decided to watch from the stands. It was nice not to be doing the fighting for once, but I couldn't help but feel a little alienated from those two.
After they fought several Heartless, including a rather large one I had never seen before, some other creature appeared. I heard Zack call it the Ice Titan, and it was huge. It cleared the stands, but I stayed to watch, ready to help if necessary. My help was not needed.
Once the titan went down, someone named Hades showed up and ran through the same routine that the witch did. I could tell he wanted to use Raen for some scheme or another, and I was not going to let that happen. Although, I managed to get Raen toward the exit, Zack was trapped in the arena and had to fight off Hades. He did it. All alone, too. I have to admit that I was very proud of him, especially when he said he didn't think he was a true hero even after fending off a god.
Lanying's Current, Official,
Zack: +6
Raen: +5
King Mickey: +1
Kadaj: -250
Maleficent: -475
Lulu(?): -2
Marluxia: 0
Demyx: 0
Zexion: -152
The Champion: -150
Animositas: -5
Phil: -2
Hades: -107
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