Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 13, 2010 22:36:08 GMT -5
Let’s get the basics down first.
Name: Nyx Phoenix Nicknames: N/A Age: 17 Gender: Female Race: Human Homeworld: Her own world called Anglivona and resides in Twilight Town Alliance: Light/Darkness
You’re just a puppet aren’t you? Played By: miko Age: 20 Gender: Female Contact: PM
So tell me a little bit about yourself.
Physical Aspects: Nyx has blue purple colored hair, that is in two pony tails. Her eyes are a deep sky blue color, they seem sad at times. She wears a light purple top and a dark colored purple top beneath it and they stop at just below her chest. She wears a dark purple skirt and black leggings. Her shoes are also purple and are short boots. She wears gloves (see weapon description). She is a seventeen years old. Standing around five feet and something inches, and weighing around hundred and fifteen pounds.
Darkness Inside (Just kind of like it) The shape, or form that the darkness inside of Nyx takes on. Though, as of now it is permanent. The darkness has ceased to fully take over. Her eyes take on a white purple hue, no pupils. A evil grin on her face. Her hair longer and a dark purple almost black color. Her clothes darker. Her aura dark. Everything about her dark.
Persona: - Façade: Nyx has a kind heart. But her heart is lost and confused, though it is strong. She doesn’t know where to turn, who to go to. Her heart desires something, but she’s not sure what. Her mind and soul tell her something, but she doesn’t exactly know what. She cares about others and wants to help them the best she can, but first she has to help herself. If she can do that, then she’ll be truly happy. There seems to be something haunting her; she’s just not sure what yet. She needs someone’s help to figure that out…
- Inner Mind: She seems to have lost everything, yet she’s strong. She hopes to see the world she once new again, maybe just a glance at it. On the outside she seems strong, but on the inside she’s torn apart at the heart. Her heart may seem strong, but it’s slowly tearing apart, slowly giving into the darkness.
Nyx has a dark-side, or split personalities. Her darkside has no mercy on others. For it doesn’t think, but instead kill whatever may be in its way. It, or if you can call it she, doesn’t care for others. It’s simply dark, cold and uncaring. It doesn’t give a shit about others, only about its self. It wants to wreck havoc into the world, but something is stopping it. Nyx and her strong heart.
Nyx has darkness inside of her, who is trying to steal her heart and consume her. The two sides of Nyx herself and the heartless trade off so you will never know who you’re dealing with, the real Nyx or her darkness. A side effect of this is nightmares; how if the darkness succeeds and what she will become from it; a cold hearted killer. She dreams of how she kills innocents as she laughs at them.
Empty your pockets and show me what you got
Items: (List any items you wish to purchase)
Inventory: Any items such as keychains, and Synthesis materials, as well as plot items go here.
Stand up and fight.
Weapon(s): Gloves Whilst not technically a weapon, they are the only form of inventory that boosts Nyx’s attacking power. With these gloves, it allows her to efficiently channel her magic into a form where she can use it without wasting energy.
Weapon Appearance: Clicky Just a light purple/blue color.
ABILITIES SECTION:
[Dark Vengeance:] [Nyx has the ability to channel the power of darkness into magic enabling her to shape it into swords, daggers, etc. She is able to clap her hands together forming a powerful wave of darkness pushing back foes or slicing threw them depending on how much power she uses. Essentially, she has complete control over the element of darkness. (Also the more so she uses this ability, the more her dark side shows.)
At the moment this ability is weak and she can only create a very short sword or dagger.]
Range: Five feet. Speed: N/A Cooldown: There is a two post cool-down between creating weapons. Uses: Passive but can only use one weapon at a time (one wep or a pair). Strength: Weak.
[Static-R] [Nyx fires off a crackling orb of darkness energy, about the size of her. When it hits the opponent it explodes and does damage. The orb does electrical damage, but a little less effective but still static. The explosion will blast them a good 20-30 foot radius away.]
Range: 15 meters. Speed: 15 mph. Cooldown: A four post cool down to fire off the orb again. Uses: Twice per thread. Strength: Moderate.
Everybody’s got a weakness or two; what are yours?
Elemental Weakness: She is sometimes weak against light and fire. Other Weaknesses: Her darkness.
What’s your story?
Nyx was born in a world, out of the many worlds of Kingdom Hearts. Her world was called Anglivona, it was the center of her universe. It vanished when the heartless came. They took over her world, destroying it. Destroying the people she loved, that she cared for with all her heart. The heartless couldn’t destroy her though. She was too strong, too strong to just vanish like that. No, she survived. But for how long? How long can she stand this? Fighting for her life, fighting for her heart. Can she stand much longer of any of this? The sadness, the nightmares, the dreams, the laughing, the fighting and most of all the heartbreak, from losing all that she loved.
First off, we have to start from the beginning. Nyx was born into her world, like anyone else. Her mother and father loved her and she loved them back, with all her heart. She grew up an ordinary girl but she had something special in her life. Friends and loved ones. Most of all, the boy she had a crush on. Her best friend for life. She will never forget him, and what they might have had. But moving on, Nyx’s life was seemingly perfect in every aspect. Till it started to fall apart….
Nyx and her best friend, Jason, along with some of their other best friends had been wandering around their world. They discovered a marking on a tree in an area that seemed like a great hideout, to get away from their parents and stuff for awhile, to just hang out. They weren’t sure what the marking was, but it seemed cool. Well, at the time. They made the place their hideout, going there whenever they had free time. Making it their own, by adding stuff they made. They even built their own tree house. Their life seemed totally perfect, till it started to fall apart…person by person…friend by friend…loved one by loved one…
After school, Nyx went to their hideout hoping to find one of her friends there. No one. She waited. Still no one. She saw a shadow. She thought it was Jason or something, trying to scare her. “You can’t scare me Jason.” She said to him. But it wasn’t him. Apparently it was nothing, because as soon as the shadow had appeared it had vanished. It was strange that she had seen someone there. She also noticed a strange mark on the tree but thought of it as nothing. She returned home and was restless most of the night; due to the fact she kept coming back to the shadow and the mark on the tree she had seen. And that was where it all began….Where her world started to fall apart…
The next day, one of Nyx’s friends was missing. She was just gone, like that. Everyone thought she must be dead, because they searched every where. Nothing. They couldn’t find her. Nyx thought it had something to do with the shadow she had seen in their hideout the other night. She went to the hideout, the mark on the tree was glowing. There seemed to be an outline of a door too. But there was no, door knob. Weird. She thought. There was no shadow though, no one else there. She brushed it aside, returning home.
That night, she had a dream. No, more along the lines of a nightmare. A nightmare that she will never forget. She was happy with her friends, running around town. Playing. Then everything around her started to break apart. Piece by piece. Fragment by fragment. Her world disappearing right in front of her eyes. She woke up, almost screaming. Then she found it was only a dream. She looked out her window, finding her world exactly how she left it. She smiled, going back to sleep. The dream, not coming again till the next day…
It came true. There was no one in town. It was like a deserted town. She ran. Trying to find someone. She went to Jason’s house, to find him. He wasn’t there. Maybe he was at the tree house. She went there. To find, the marking had become a door. It had opened. She found Jason lying on the floor in front of the door… She ran over to him. No pulse. “No please!” She yelled, crying. He was her life. She loved him…She truly found that out, then. She had been unable to tell him her real feelings, but she should of have…Now it was too late. She cried, over his limp body, her tears falling onto his body. Then he vanished. Like that. “No! Please…Don’t go…” She said, reaching out. But there was nothing there. No one. She looked towards the door. Darkness behind it… She stared into it. She wasn’t sure if she should go inside. She looked around her, the world around her started to disappear… Soon, she might disappear as well.
She got up, running towards the open door. The darkness…She found herself falling. Endlessly… What was going to happen to her? Would she disappear also? Would the falling ever stop?...
She closed her eyes. Wishing this was all a dream. Then she opened them, to find darkness. Noo! Noo! This can’t be real! It can’t. She thought to herself. She closed her eyes, tightly. Then she finally stopped falling. She landed, she looked around. Where was she? Then these dark creature things started popping up. She ran. But there was nowhere to go. She closed her eyes, wishing this wasn’t real. Something grabbed her. She opened her eyes, to be face to face with herself. Her otherself spoke to her, speaking complete non-sense..
And the next thing she knew she started falling again. This time something caught her. It was a monster. With someone on it, it was a man. The monster set her down. She stood there, looking at him helplessly. What the heck was happening? Next thing the monster slammed its finger into her chest. This dark like magic started to appear from her heart. She then started falling again...
Finally she stopped falling, after what seemed like forever. She was unconscious, in a world she did not know…
That’s where it all fell apart…and her true adventure just began. In world’s unknown, people unmet, powers undiscovered, and hearts beginning to disappear…
Nyx found out that the world she had landed in was called Traverse Town and that it was sort of a 'home' or 'safe-house' for those whose worlds had been destroyed. H-had her home, her so called world been destroyed? Would she never see Jason or her other friends again? Never see her father or mother? She didn't even get to say goodbye..
At first she was awestruck and confused. The people in Traverse Town helped her out and let her stay in the hotel there for free, but she preferred to work for things instead. But, she didn't stay there long. As soon as she found out about Gummi Ships she headed to the next world.. well, as soon as she found out more about what was happening. She wanted answers but there seemed to be none left here. Her next stop was Radiant Garden where she met a girl by the name of Leanne; they almost instantly became friends.
But, their friendship wouldn't last long. There was something growing inside of Nyx, something she couldn't control. She didn't know exactly what was happening to her but she would blackout and be unable to remember what had happened. And, she began to learn about her powers. It was this dark magic; but she had yet to learn of the true potential it had. Nyx confided in Leanne; telling her about her own world and what had happened to her. Leanne said that her world was probably still out there somewhere, that her friends and family were still alive but had landed on different worlds.
Nyx stayed in RG a little longer but she wanted to find her friend and her parents. And maybe eventually her homeworld. Just as she was about to explain to Leanne one day while they were walking around Radiant Garden, a guy walked by. Nyx recognized him and walked over to him, instantly recognizing him as Jason. Her best friend. She called to him; he did not turn. She called again. Still nothing. Running up to him she put her hand on his shoulder as she said his name, he looked towards her and backed away. "Get away.." he warned her.
"J-Jason, it's me Nyx," she said to him, a bit surprised. D-did he not recognize her? Remember her?
He uttered a low growl which caught Nyx a little off-guard, "Go away.." he said, turning his face away from her.
She moved forward and moved her hand to his face so he was looking at her, but he tore away from her. Scratching her arm as he did. He move his hand over his face, revealing a clawed hand. "J-jason..." she said. She knew it was him. B-but what had happened to him. She didn't know what to do.
Leanne had walked up to join them and asked, "Who is this, Nyx?"
Nyx was about to explain to her who he was when he said, "J-just forget about me!" and ran off. Nyx was confused and raced after him. He turned a corner and was gone. Leanne had followed her as well but they had lost him after searching for about 10 minutes. Nyx was so close to finding someone from her past, from her homeworld. She was a bit disappointed and confused. Leanne took Nyx to a cliff overlooking Radiant Garden after buying Popsicle, they sat there for awhile and talked. They stayed there till the sunset and went back to Leanne's place. Nyx woke up the next day and found herself alone in Leanne's house. Walking around she looked for Leanne but couldn't find her. She found the living room trashed with claw marks on the furniture and the front door open. Running outside she followed trails of blood which came to an alleyway. Upon entering she heard low growling.
Suddenly she saw glowing eyes and froze. "Nyxie...Nyxie.." she heard and stepped back some as her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the alleyway. She saw a beastly form and on the ground next to it was Leanne's body. "L-let her go!" she said. Then suddenly she shot a small ball of dark magic at the beast. She then charged forward but soon after she lost consciousness. Next thing she knew she woke up in some sort of third dimension where it was just white space everywhere but you could walk forward never the less. She saw Leanne but her body seemed to be fading and then there was Jason again. They were both fading but Leanne was fading even more. She didn't have time to save both; but she wanted with all her heart to do so. She looked towards both and then ran towards Jason who was fading even more quicker. She passed through his body and then fell much like she had before when her world had been destroyed.
She lost consciousness and found herself in a world where it was trapped in a eternal sunset...
Would she ever find Jason or Leanne again? Her search begins now..
It all comes down to this: make your choice.
You are presented with three weapons: a sword, a staff, and a shield. The sword represents the power of the warrior; invincible courage comes with this weapon as well as horrible destruction. The staff represents the power of the mystic; inner strength comes with this weapon as well as wonder and ruin. The shield represents the power of the guardian; kindness to aid friends comes with this weapon as well as a shield that will repel all.
Which one will you choose?
Chosen Weapon: Staff
Energy Blast Pointing your hand or weapon at an enemy, a ball of energy of a color of your choice flies in a straight line, headed towards one foe. This ball is about the size of a softball.
Range: 40 feet Speed: 10 mph Cooldown: 5 posts Uses: 2 uses Strength: Weak
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 14, 2010 22:13:50 GMT -5
I've got a few problems with this profile. Firstly, the fact that you've got her as both human and Heartless to me just doesn't particularly sit well with me, and the Nobody just seems too much. If she had succumbed to the darkness or something, I'd be fine with it, but saying she's part Heartless just doesn't make much sense. That being said, stick to her just being one character, but with multiple personalities--not persons. You can have one when she's normal, another when the darkness takes over. No Nobody, no Heartless.
The abilities are also in need of some work. Aura Shift seems pretty overpowered for a Moderate Ability. For the defensive portion, mentioning how powerful of attacks it deflects would be nice. I.E. does it negate/weaken Normal Attacks or Weak or Moderate Abilities? For the offensive, her strength-boost seems way to powerful--tone it down a few notches. As for range, be more specific about the distance. How many feet/yards/meters does it extend? And making it passive also seems too much--it pretty much gives her a large amount of invulnerability. Requiring it to be activated and a certain post duration and cooldown would make it a little better, I think.
The second ability, well, since I don't really agree with the Heartless part of her character, that will require some alterations. If you keep it the same and change the details of how she can use it, I'm fine. Also, stick with just forming a weapon. A single weapon for each level of power, like a dagger for Weak, short sword for Moderate, broadsword for Strong. Some kind of progression like that.
Now, this part I'm not too happy about saying, but you can't use Ansem SoD like that. Unless approved by the owner of his canon, you can't use him in that way. Also, since he's dead he really can't appear anywhere, nor be owned by any player. So that's going to have to change.
Once you go through all those revisions I'll check this out again. Just post here when those are done and I'll be happy to review again.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 15, 2010 0:17:51 GMT -5
Hey, alright I changed some things up. And, her heartless and her were the same thing..its just like the heartless is inside of her. Its hard to explain but I just changed it so its like there is darkness inside of her so she has a split-personality.
I exchanged Aura Shift with a new ability..I knew it was over-powered I just didn't really know how to cool it down. It was overpowered to begin with so I'm just going to omit it out for another ability.
And, for Dark Vengeance I'm just going to say its the darkness inside of her and for weak portion of the ability she can only create a dagger or short-short-sword.
I deleted that it was Ansem, and that its just an anonymous person now. Also for a note in her history when the anonymous man pushed the blade(key) through her he unlocked the darkness inside of her which was where I got the Heartless, human co-inside thing..
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 17, 2010 12:23:38 GMT -5
Alright, this is looking better, but I still think a bit more needs to be done here. First, can you clarify the Static-R ability for me? I think I understand it, but I feel like there's something I'm not getting at the moment. Nyx shoots off an orb of dark energy that explodes upon contact, and when it does it leaves a tail of energy she can utilize as a weapon? It sounds like two abilities in one to me. Stick with either a projectile (the orb of energy) or the whip.
And for your story, the implication that it's Ansem is still there. If you could just change that section of her story to clarify that. Mostly his dialogue is what concerns me.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 17, 2010 20:01:35 GMT -5
I can't decide which to choose for the ability..cause I want her abilities weapon based because she doesn't have a weapon; but its not like I'm really going to use her for battling. (though of course I wouldn't mind doing plot threads where there is battle). Hmm, would you mind if I got your opinion? Which would you think would work best? Projectile or the whip part of the ability?
Also, for her history..if I hadn't said earlier that it was Ansem who had said that to her, would you have realized that it was him?
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Post by Administrator on Sept 17, 2010 20:36:11 GMT -5
Yes, the quote is most certainly his. Just entering my Adminly two cents. And if you really want to, we have a member specializing in abilities. Pay him munny, and he'll come up with functions or what have you. Under Creativity, you'll find the Ability Help Shop.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 18, 2010 2:19:55 GMT -5
Mmm, so I fixed the thing about Ansem in her history but I also added some more to her history.
And I changed Static-R so that its just a projectile. [/blockquote]
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 19, 2010 22:16:58 GMT -5
Alright, I've only got a little nit-picking with the second ability. Could you include the orb's blast radius? I'd say a good 20-30 foot radius will do, since it's a Moderate and slow-moving.
And I agree with Jay--the second I read through your story I knew those lines were Ansem's. There are a lot of different ways to set off her story without the need of those lines and the cloaked figure. I normally don't like to ask people to edit out and change parts of their stories, but in this case you need too. Just that one section (from him appearing to him unlocking her heart) is what I have a problem with, everything else I'm fine with.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 21, 2010 0:53:19 GMT -5
Alright, I edited the blast radius in.
Also, from your comments, I wasn't quite sure if you wanted me to edit that part of her history again..
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 23, 2010 13:34:53 GMT -5
I kind of wanted you to completely remove the hooded man and the Ansem quote. Even if you say that it isn't Ansem the implication is still clearly there, intended or not. Basically paragraphs 4-9 (10 probably, since it's based off of those) I really think you should edit more thoroughly since all indicators point to Ansem. It doesn't have to be a complete rewrite, just take out the references to Ansem.
That's really the only concern left that I have, unless any other mod has something to say.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 23, 2010 15:49:17 GMT -5
Uuh...what are the references to Ansem in 4-9? I can see it in paragraph 10...
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 23, 2010 17:23:00 GMT -5
The line "Those who know nothing can understand nothing" is clearly Ansem, and is present in paragraphs 4 and 9. In paragraph 10 all I see is some hooded guy stabbing a Keyblade into her heart (Ansem never actually had a Keyblade, only through his possession of Riku did he use one). That being said, I still think you should change paragraph 10 since removing the hooded man will inevitably render it out-of-context.
Basically, I just would like for you to change the story of how the darkness first became a part of her by changing/removing any implications that it is Ansem since he is a canon character (and therefore cannot be used in a history), and he's also dead. Specifically, the paragraphs I see detailing that are paragraphs 4, 5, 9, and 10. Paragraphs 6-8 are fine, I've got no problems there, it's just those four specific paragraphs that need changing.
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Miko
Junior Member
"less talk more rock"
Posts: 51
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Post by Miko on Sept 23, 2010 17:43:28 GMT -5
Alright, fixed. Hopefully its ok. Taking awhile to get her accepted, hehe.. ^^;
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Nothingness
Character Moderator
My title, foo![M:-2455]
Posts: 762
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Post by Nothingness on Sept 23, 2010 22:26:03 GMT -5
Well, you don't have to wait any longer, that's for sure. So, without any further ado, I will say those four magical words:
Accepted, Locked, and Moved
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