Jay's Poem Thread

[Administrator]

One for now. Tell me what you think. It was originally written for the contest on DS.

A Nameless Poem

Eternity sleeps as Darkness calls
With its clarion call of hate.
Beneath the surface evil crawls,
Bane of all of fate.

Hope is swallowed by that side,
Always and forever.
It is best to try to run and hide
From the King of the land of Never.

Just then, the trumpet of the Light
Calls out its tempestuous song.
Holy warriors arrive to fight
Against the doers of wrong.

The two sides look upon each other,
Neither sure of their power.
But then, the Light King cries to his brother,
"Do not but sit there and glower!"

At that, the Light King orders a strike
And the men gladly deliver.
A man charges with a pike
To become a human quiver.

"You have erred, brother mine,"
Calls with a laugh the King of Never.
He then cries out a command trine,
"Kill them, crush them, sever!"

The two sides warred an endless time,
Neither gaining on the other.
The fighting seemed to the eye nearly sublime,
Though it be brother con brother.

Suddenly, the side of Dark
Fell to a mighty blow.
The King of Light peered at his mark,
Fallen quite far below.

But then, Light King meets demise
Like his endarkened brother.
And peers with slowly closing eyes
The figure of another.

"Eternity," a cry of pain,
"Why strike me down now so?"
A gentle sigh, a sound quite plain,
Came from the being, lo.

"Not Dark nor Light stand against time,"
Speaks the being nigh,
"Both fight, both die, such is your crime,
And now, right there, you lie."

The King of Light breathes out just then,
His final breath of life.
Thus, it is shown clear again;
We have meaningless strife.

But even so, there is one thing
Which stops all wars of might.
Time eternal reigns the king,
Changing our wrongs to right.

[Administrator]

A Poem for the Fools

Life without hope is hopeless,
But hope without life is worse.
Hoping for hope would be fruitless,
Undoubtedly that is a curse.

Lesser men have dared to try,
To hope for hope without end.
But in the end they will yet cry,
Lost with Naught for a friend.

Life without death is useless,
But death without life is worse.
Dying for death is pointless,
From there your life would be terse.

Lesser men have dared to try,
To die for life without end.
But in the end they will yet cry,
For Heaven they will not attend.

[Aerith]

A Nameless Poem: I quite enjoyed the language in this one. It's got that archaic tone of which I'm personally fond. The overall story you tell is also very intriguing. No matter people's definitions of good or evil, in the end, no one can escape death brought on by time. So, we're all equal in that way. At times, the meter was a bit off, but the rhyme scheme combined with the content worked well enough to make up for that.

A Poem for the Fools: The meter is much better in this one, and you still maintain a good rhyme scheme. There is a distinct lack of imagery (sensory details and whatnot), so there isn't as much for a reader to grasp onto. Your overall theme might be improved if you added a few touches of imagery to heighten the fruitless feel of "hoping for hope" and "dying for death."

Good job with both poems. ^_^