Dying Ambitions [Nadia, Aerith, Clive]

[Aerith]

I just don't know anymore.
--------

The foreign sensation inside her head stirred as Predis spoke to her. She didn't bother looking toward the spider. That would mean looking toward Jericho, too.

Not everyone destroys so callously, Predis. There is Aerith. I don't think there's a destructive bone in her body. And I met a little girl before who was just... scared but so very innocent and friendly. They aren't monsters. But I'm not anything like them.

She could hear the hint of hurt in Jericho's voice when he told her it was good that she was alive. Guilt made a fresh, invisible stab wound in her stomach.

"It shouldn't matter. I wish it didn't. I just hate feeling like no one wants me, that I'm not good for anything except to serve as a scapegoat. I tried so hard... but it didn't matter what I did. No one really cared."

"But he truly cares about you."

She was silent for a long time, even after recalling Clive's words. Were they true? She really didn't know. He had saved her, yes. Maybe that did mean something, considering his intense hatred for almost everything else.

[Administrator]

More words from the spinner of truths.

Predis thought on her words. Truly, there were those who did not destroy. But she was not them. And they were not she. Sensing in her thought-message some of her emotions, he felt her fear, both of being alone, and of being a monster; of being something to be feared by others. Hearing the words Jericho spoke, and hearing his sending as well, Predis spun his approach anew, slightly.

"You do not need thank me," he sent first through the channel to Jericho. He then redirected his attention to Nadia. "Though Aerith and the girl you mention are not monsters, they are not you. You are not like them; it is comparing flies and mosquitoes. They are not each other, and they cannot be." Despite the analogy difference, the spider assumed she would understand his thoughts.

"You are you, and from what I have seen of you, you are no monster. I once heard a man speak the saying, 'he who fears for his sanity need worry about it not.' I believe you might understand the meaning behind it without my explanation of how I understood it." Of course, Predis, after dissecting it, may have come to a different conclusion than humanity had, thus left his interpretation out. He knew, however, it was used in a context much like this.

"Nadia...if you were not meant to be, then you would not have been spun out of the Great Web." Spiders, too, had an ideology for things, an explanation, and the way the Worlds interconnected was similar to a web; therefore, it only made sense to call it the Great Web.

Hopefully, his insights would help the matter at hand.

[Slash]

Closer, closer. Almost there.

[/center]

His intuition to go at that angle had been correct. He was close to recovering her, very close. All it would take was one more push.

"So they hate you. And? I don't. I do care about you, Nadia. If you had died before I had gotten here...I don't know what I would have done."

One more push. Respond, respond. Hopefully nobody was coming downstairs.

[Aerith]

Was there ever a time when things were simpler?
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Trying to hold two separate conversations was beginning to wear on her mind. And having Predis essentially inside her head was making her more aware of Asherah's presence in there, as well.

I don't have to worry, you think? But what if I stop worrying? Will it happen, then? I may not be Aerith, but shouldn't that be something that I strive for? She's so... kind.

For a moment, she stopped directing her thoughts to the spider. Was I once like that? I can hardly remember now. Do I want to be like that again?

She couldn't answer her own question with any certainty.

Then she heard Jericho. Clive had been right. Now she knew. Now she had heard for herself.

A wellspring of emotion sprang up, most of it a confusing mess. Guilt, relief, even some happiness among other things. She wasn't alone. She had him. And he actually cared about what happened to her.

At last, she turned her head to look at him. "I'm sorry... I doubted you. I'm so sorry."

[Administrator]

Success tastes like...salt water. It but makes you thirst for more.

Predis received her thought messages, and, about to respond, stopped upon hearing her verbal message. Of course, he wasn't nearly as good deciphering them as he was in receiving mental communiques, but he complained not. Predis weaved a complex thought-message, one of sheer idea, rather than words and substance. He sent through the channel with Nadia a sense of comfort, and of caring, following it with a brief message.

Though I know you little, my master cares greatly for you. And that is all that matters, now. Being, as it was, a truer method of communicating, a more personal one, it was nearly impossible to lie in the channels. It took one who was experienced, such as Jericho, to pull it off.

Giving Nadia a moment to respond or not, as she would, the spider then closed that channel, leaving him with only Jericho connected to him. "You have succeeded, master. At least, you have brought her back to the path. She may yet prove difficult walking it due to the meddling of the man." Predis knew that the man, Clive, had talked to Nadia while Predis and Jericho were out, and was able to infer that it was the man's fault this had happened, her questioning of his master.

Predis looked down from his perch on Jericho's head. "If you ever need a channel opened, and it is currently closed, tap your left foot three times. I will open one with you, and I can bring other minds into the channel as you wish." With that, the spider skittered down from Jericho and into the corner of the room.

"Now, I must feed. Hunger is a powerful thing; very powerful indeed." The channel remained open, in case the man needed to say anything, or wanted him to bring another into the channel at any point.

[Slash]

That was close.

[/center]

He relaxed a bit. She'd still have an annoying reluctance for a while, but the brunt of the work was now done. As long as he could keep Clive away from her...

Clive. How annoying, the fact that he had sought to interfere. Jericho had kept him from becoming worse, hadn't he? He'd handed the blank- at least he had been a blank back then- over to Aerith, who'd had an extrememly beneficial effect on him. Couldn't he just leave well enough alone?

That was the problem with people who had a sense of morality. They were always poking into things that weren't their business.

"It's all right, Nadia. It's all right." Well done, Predis.

[Aerith]

Goodnight.
--------

Tension left her when he assured her everything was okay. Exhaustion swept in to take its place. Between her wounds, the conversation with Clive, summoning Asherah, and the double-conversation with Jericho and Predis, Nadia's strength was gone. She needed rest.

I see, Predis. Thank you. The rush of feeling through the mental connection had helped calm her considerably, and she wanted to make sure the spider knew of her gratitude.

"I'm so tired..." Her eyelids drooped until she finally drifted off to sleep.
______________________

Aerith had listened to Clive explain what he had done, and when he said that he thought she had exerted herself far too much, she turned toward the door again. Nadia might need some more healing magic or maybe more tea to relax her.

"Clive... maybe you should stay up here tonight. From what you've told me, it might be best. I have a spare bedroom across the hall."

With that, she made her way downstairs but stopped when she saw Jericho next to a sleeping Nadia. Seeing that everything seemed to be okay, she gave Jericho a look that said if she was needed, she would be right upstairs. And then she returned to her bedroom to check on Clive.

[Nothingness]

Harmless

Clive nodded his head at Aerith's request. He was far too tired to walk back to his house, and running into Jericho wasn't something he was interested in right now. "Thank you. Sorry to be a burden."

As Aerith left, Clive suddenly found his eye lids growing heavy. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep in the chair, his chin nuzzled against his chest. A warm light filled his dreams, rather than the cold darkness he'd always known. He was at peace.