In for the Kill [Emi]

[Oathkeeper Emi]

Where do I even begin?
--

They dragged themselves back to the orphanage. Emi was silent for the rest of the walk. She decided that once she was sure Castle was safe and wasn't going to run off and do something stupid, she would go back and get his mom. She didn't know what to do about his injuries. She wasn't the best nurse and even if she was, she had no potions or anything. Melina would probably know what to do.

Getting him upstairs did not seem probable, so she made him sit on the couch downstairs. She sat down on the creaky piano bench and leaned forward. "Are you going to be okay if I leave for a minute to...uh... get some help?[/color]" she asked, trying to avoid mentioning the fact she was going to get his mother. She wasn't sure he would be thrilled to see her after all this. There were a lot of other questions she wanted to ask but first she wanted to make sure he wasn't going to die. She didn't think he was in any danger of dying, but she wasn't taking any chances.

[Castle]

Castle was infinitely grateful for the chance to sit down. He didn't have a full understanding of how much he was bleeding, but by the time they reached the orphanage, his already pale skin had lost a shade of color and he was shaking like it was the middle of December.

He leaned back heavily on the couch and exhaled slowly. He was still really dizzy, but at least he'd made it here without passing out. He tilted his head a little to look at Emi.

"Yeah. I'll be okay," he said, trying a smile. It didn't quite work.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

Confused about my feelings, as usual.
--

Emi didn't really feel like smiling, even after noticing Castle's attempt at the gesture. She still felt like crying. She was still for a few seconds, and then got up and hurried out.

Despite the heat, she found herself stomping down the road with her hands in her pockets. There was so much going on her head. So much that she didn't even know where to start. So, she didn't even try to start categorizing and coming to terms with things. There were a few things she was sure of: there was something going on with Castle, it had something to do with darkness, and this whole situation had made her see that if anything ever happened to him, she was done for. She couldn't lose something else. Someone else.

She finally made it to the house where Melina was staying. She found the woman. "I found him. He's okay, but he needs medical attention and I don't know how... how to...[/color]" she told Melina, trailing off. She shook her head. "Just, you have to come help him okay?[/color]"

[Castle]

Before Emi was finished speaking, Melina ran back into the room and returned with a first aid kit and Castle's regular clothes.

"Lead the way," she said tonelessly.

Her eyes were still rimmed red, but she was at a point where she really didn't want to cry anymore. Crying wouldn't help her or her son. Of course, that was easier said than done, considering the words "he needs medical attention" that she heard seconds ago.

She would have gone with Emi to find him in the first place, but she was much too slow and ended up lost. After a great deal of wandering in an unfamiliar world, she decided to go back to where she started, and not a minute too soon. Emi had come in before she had time to sit down.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

This is the shortest post I have ever done.
--

Moving quickly, almost at a run because she was so impatient, Emi lead Melina to the orphanage.

"Castle, I'm back. Don't be mad at me...[/color]" she yelled before entering the living room with his mother in tow.

[Castle]

Castle thought that being alone for a few minutes would be fine. He was wrong. As soon as the house went silent, he got nervous. What if the Heartless came after him again? Would he be able to fight them off like this? He wasn't sure he could even stand up right now if he tried, or stay standing up.

Damn it, he was scared. He pulled himself away from the back of the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, which made his vision blur for a second. He decided to preoccupy himself by gradually peeling the blood drenched fabric away from his skin.

He was in the middle of that activity when Emi returned suddenly, and loudly. The noise was greatly welcome. He smiled a little.

"Why would I be mad at..."

For the second time that day, Castle froze, the smile vanishing from his face. Oh, shit. Oh shit.

Melina set her jaw and strode right into the room, dumping the clothes and first aid kit on the coffee table. Regardless of what he thought before, Castle tried to get up so he could leave the room, but her hand landed firmly on his shoulder.

"Castle," she said, but gently.

He didn't mean to look up at her, but he did, and their eyes met. A second later, he wilted and hung his head.

"Mom..."

"Jeez, Castle. You're getting into fights again," she muttered, turning around and opening the first aid kit. She pulled out a Potion first and used it on him. The smaller wounds healed instantly, but the deeper ones were less affected. She bit her lip, wishing she had more than one Potion, but quickly composed herself and pulled some more things out of the kit.

She used a cloth to start cleaning the blood off of his face. She did it casually, but it was a lot of blood. She took a breath to steady herself.

"I knew you were home, Castle," she said.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Did you steal the coat, too?"

"Yeah."

"Where is it now?"

"In pieces."

She bit back tears, but not for the coat. Castle shut his mouth, wishing he hadn't said anything. The last thing his mother needed to hear right now was their little adventure in Notre Dame.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

Angst.
--

Well, this was awkward. Emi hung around for a few seconds, looking at the floor and being generally uncomfortable. She felt like she was intruding in on something, and decided to give them some privacy. She could have her own talk with Castle later, but for now it was time to let him handle his mom.

She slipped out of the room and went upstairs. She sat down on the bed and went completely still, staring at the floor under her shoes.

She felt sad. There was something seeing Melina and Castle together that made her sad. It was bittersweet. It was nice to see the interaction but she couldn't help but want something like that for herself. Trying to had gotten them into this mess in the first place.

She fell sideways, curled into a ball and started at the bed across from her.

[Castle]

Thanks to the creaky, dilapidated nature of the house, they could both hear Emi leave and go upstairs. Castle's heart sank a little, mainly because he had no excuse not to talk to his mother now. He was aware of her biting back a sigh once everything was quiet again. It was no easy situation for her, either.

Why did it have to come to this?

"Is this where you've been living?" she asked.

"Only for the past couple of days," he admitted.

She started to unbutton his ruined shirt, but he gently nudged her fingers away and did it himself. She watched him silently for a few, long moments.

"What happened, Castle?" she asked finally.

"Heartless. A lot of them. You need to watch out for them the further you get out of town," he explained simply.

She nodded, paused, and then,

"And before?"

He sighed quietly.

"I'm sorry, mom..."

"Castle," she said sternly, and then her shoulders sagged. "Please, just tell me. What happened back there with those boys?"

"You know I get into fights, mom," he muttered.

"But not like that!"

"How do you know?" he demanded suddenly, "When was the last time you actually saw me fight? I'm not the good kid you think I am. I..."

He couldn't finish. He lowered his head and ground his teeth together, trying not to break down in front of her. Damn it, why did it have to come to this? When did he get to the point when his own mother couldn't recognize him? When did it get to the point where he started hurting her?

Melina wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"I don't mind. You know you can tell me anything, right?" she said.

No, he couldn't. He stayed silent, ashamed, and eventually, she let go.

"Okay," she said, trying and failing to make it sound like everything was fine, "Let's get the rest of this taken care of."

With her help, he got his remaining wounds cleaned and bandaged. The Potion had finished healing the old burns, much to his relief. Melina put the bloody cloths aside and stood up.

"I'm going to go get some water. You'll be okay here, right?"

"Yeah," he said quietly.

He listened her to leave the house, noting the slight pause before the front door opened and closed.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

This is the -dere part of tsundere.
--

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but Emi could hear bits and pieces of their conversation. She also heard Melina leave, and so decided to go see how things went. Before going into the living room, she peeked her head around the corner.

"Everything cool in here? You look...better.[/color]"

She made her way over to the couch and sat down, awkwardly turning herself away from him. Even after sitting there for several moments, she kept opening her mouth like she was going to say something and then closing it again. What was there to say? "I know you... don't want to tell your mom what's going on but...[/color]" she started, slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. She looked up at him. "I really need you to tell me what the hell all of that was about. If you've been messing around in darkness, okay, maybe we all do sometimes but if it's going to be something that will take you away from me, I can't... I can't.[/color]"

She didn't want to be this upset, and surely Castle was eventually going to get tired of all the women in his life bursting into tears every time something bad happened to him. But, every time she went to bring up what happened in the Great Maw, all she could see was him kneeling defeated in the dirt and she couldn't handle that. She doubled over, as if that would stop her from crying, and covered her face with her hands... as if that would keep him from noticing.

Abruptly, she sat up and threw her arms around his shoulders. She had been stretched too thin, and she had snapped. He was injured, but she didn't care. She hugged him tightly anyway, held him like he would disappear if she didn't. With her face buried in his neck (did she do that so that he couldn't understand what she was saying?), she cried. "You're my best friend. My only real friend. Maybe it's selfish but I can't let you destroy yourself because then I won't have anybody at all.[/color]"

After that, she just sobbed into his shoulder.

[Castle]

He didn't say anything when Emi came in the room. He didn't feel like saying anything anymore. However, he didn't expect her to sit down on the couch with him, but that surprise was nothing compared to what came next.

Her grip made some of the cuts sting, but that didn't matter. Emi was crying. Hard. On him. Because of him. He'd seen the tears on the way here, but he thought that would be the extent of it. Now, she was almost literally crying her heart out, and the surge of unexpected emotion from her of all people...

He shut his eyes, but that didn't do much good. He reached up to put and arm around her back, but their awkward position on the couch caused him to turn slightly toward her, and the next thing he knew, he was holding onto her almost as desperately as she was to him. He was shaking again, and it had nothing to do with blood loss.

"Thank you... for coming for me," he said with some difficulty. In spite of whatever dignity he had left, a few tears escaped. Just a few.

Eventually, they had to part the embrace, and when that happened, he couldn't look at her directly.

"There's a lot of stuff I haven't told you," he admitted in a mumble, "I guess there's no way around it now, after what I did."

[Oathkeeper Emi]

Aaaaand now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.
--

The emotional outburst lasted only about as long as the embrace. She let go of him, turned away and took a deep shuddering breath. After she pulled the cuff of her leather jacket over her hand and rubbed the tears from her eyes, she pulled her arm back and punched Castle in the shoulder. Hard. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

"Yeah, you better believe there's no way around it,[/color]" she said loudly, but hoarsely. "You can either spill now or wait until your mom won't get involved. Or whatever. Just as long as you tell me. Today.[/color]"

[Castle]

Welcome back, he thought with grim humor, but humor nonetheless.

He returned to a regular sitting position on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees again. It would be a while before his mom came back, if he had to guess, which he did. Now was as good a time as any to start spilling the beans. If he waited, he might not be able to do it, and something told him that that would be a bad life choice.

He took a deep breath and sighed it out. He started to push a hand back through his hair, but ended up just taking his already loose ponytail out. His purple hair fell over his shoulder.

"Where do I even start?" he murmured. He deliberated for another second or two. "I guess... you could say I really have been messing around in darkness. Like, a lot."

He shook his head suddenly. "But, it's not like I'm taking their side or anything! I just... needed the firepower, okay? Nothing else was working," he explained rapidly.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

Let big sister tell you a story.
--

"That's how people get hooked on things,[/color]" she said, quietly, when he had finished talking. She laughed a little. "Guess I know that from experience. You make excuses, you justify it. And then, you let it get out of hand. And you'll never be the same.[/color]"

She was a little bit spaced out, but came back down to earth. "We're more alike than I thought. Can I ask something though? It's hard to imagine life without it, isn't it? Even after you see the consequences. Do you really want to give it up? ...or are you just going to keep going until it consumes you?[/color]"

By this point, she had twisted herself towards him, hands planted on the couch and gripping at the fabric to keep herself from slapping some sense into him. She couldn't make the decision for him. If he really wanted to keep relying on darkness even after all this, then that was his decision. But she really, really didn't want to see the aftermath. She bit her lip and tried to find the words to describe what she was thinking.

"When... when I was gone, I... it's hard to explain. They were all so powerful and they kept trying to get me to give into the darkness because it would make me stronger but I didn't want to because I didn't want to be like them. And I knew that if I let myself even taste it, I would be so far gone and I would end up just like them. I thought about it a few times but only because I wanted to protect you. I thought if I just gave them what they wanted, they would leave you alone, but I didn't want to give in. It's so unnatural, what it does to people. If it's firepower you need, if you want to be stronger, we can work together to do it. Darkness isn't the only way.[/color]"

It was difficult, trying to keep the pleading out of her voice. Even if she could hide it there, he could probably see it in her eyes. "Not to mention, it's just plain lazy,[/color]" she said, smirking a little. There needed to be something to lighten the mood, after all, or she was going to start crying again and she was tired of crying. "If you want to be strong, you're going to have to do it the old fashioned way.[/color]"

She got serious again. "And if you don't want to do it the old fashioned way, Castle, I'm not going to stand around and watch you destroy yourself. I don't want to lose you but if you make the decision to keep relying on darkness, I can't stay. I won't stay.[/color]"

It suddenly occurred to her that she was being sort of hypocritical. Her face reddened. "And I... uh... I'll stop using corridors, since they're powered by darkness. It will make getting out of all these jams we get ourselves into a little harder but that's what I meant by getting stronger the old fashioned way.[/color]"

[Castle]

Castle listened with growing guilt. He knew she was right. Now that she was pointing it out to him, accepting the Darkness sounded more like a weakness than a strength. Hell, it sounded like a freaking drug addiction, like steroids or something, which was something that he always looked down on. He kept his gaze focused on the floor, glancing up only when she turned toward him, and only briefly. By the end of the speech, he had his forehead rested in the palm of one hand.

He was silent for a few seconds before he said anything,

"I know Darkness isn't the only way," he began slowly, "but that's what it felt like. I couldn't stand not being able to come after you, especially when it was my fault you were taken in the first place!"

His voice elevated in frustration on the last line, but he caught himself and continued more evenly, "I know I probably wouldn't have done any good, but damn it, I just needed to know if you were alive. I searched for you. But I didn't even make it through Twilight Town before..."

He massaged the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself. "You know how Zexion and I were a little tense yesterday? Well, while you're saying that darkness won't do me any good, he was insisting that it was the only option I had. He threw some Heartless at me, and I... I took his challenge. I let the darkness in, and I beat the Heartless. All of them."

"I'm not gonna lie, it felt awful. But at that point, it just felt like a fact of life for me, like it was something I just had to take advantage of. Even before then, I..."

He trailed off, hesitated, and sighed. "...I guess... it was really a long time coming," he said quietly.

[Oathkeeper Emi]

I hate ultimatums.
--

"I didn't get taken. I went willingly. Don't try and blame yourself for that. We all know it wasn't anyone's fault but his,[/color]" she said. She didn't even want to say his name. "And Zexion, well... I'm going to kick his ass. What was he thinking?[/color]"

She growled, burying her hands in her hair, standing up and pacing. If she had known where the Nobody was, she would have marched over and punched him. Forget the fact he'd helped her find her father. That was a bad idea anyway.

"The way I see it, he was using a weakness against you just to try and...I don't know. Do what Je--[/color]"

She had to force the name out, but it left a bad taste in her mouth and made her want to punch something. "Do what Jericho was trying to do. Something about a balance of light and darkness. More darkness to counteract too much light, or something like that. That's what it looks like Zexion was trying to do, to me. He was working with Jericho, so it makes sense. And it's all the more reason for you... us... to fight it. From what I can tell, this balance thing is complete bullshit. I was just scared to test it.[/color]"

She stopped pacing, directly in front of Castle. It was kind of awkward, looking down on him like this. So she got down on her knees. "Who do you trust more? Them, or me? Maybe it's unfair to put you in this position so suddenly but you have to make the choice. The road you're on is only going to get worse and before you know it, there is going to be no turning back. It may not look like it now, but from the outside looking in, I can tell you that it's not just choosing darkness. It's choosing to walk away from your mom, and me, and it's choosing to carry on with what Jericho was trying to do. Even if you didn't mean it like that, every time you use the darkness to make yourself stronger and win fights, it....it's....[/color]"

She shook her head, unsure of what she was trying to say. Hopefully, he got the point.

"I really don't know how to make myself more clear. Like I said, I'm not going to stand around and watch you destroy yourself or worse, become like they were. It's me or it, Castle. Your mother can make her own decision, but I'm not going to hang around and watch.[/color]"

It killed her to say that, killed her to give him that kind of an choice. She didn't want to walk away from him but she couldn't bear the alternative.